Setting rules and boundaries for multigenerational living

    The Star Ledger recently reported (March 28, 2010) that the multigenerational household is staging a strong comeback. “Driven partly by rising job losses, home foreclosures, and health care concerns, more extended families are choosing to live under one roof.”

While the tendency for multiple generations to live together has slowly rebounded over the past few decades, “the recession has accelerated the trend.” Numerous adult children have  returned home to live with their parents due to limited job prospects; while many older parents have moved in with their children thanks to greater economic uncertainty. But do the practical benefits truly outweigh any inconveniences??? That all depends.

Whether its children moving in with parents or parents moving in with children, the first order of business should be coming to an understanding of ‘house rules.’   Without a clear delineation of boundaries and expectations, those that we love can become an emotional and financial drain. New York Life notes on its website that “the return to the nest” can derail parents’ personal plans and jeopardize their financial future (particularly their retirement) as they try to do too much for their children. Richard Johnson notes in his book What Color is Your Retirement (2001) that without ground rules pitfalls can particularly emerge if grandparents are not respectful “of the desires and decisions of the parents.”

The questions the Child and Youth Health website (in Johnson, 2001)  provides for parents living with adult children are just as applicable for adult children living with parents. These include: How much rent will be paid? If no rent, then what services will be provided instead (such as home repair or child care)? Who will shop for groceries? Who will do the cooking and other  household chores? Who will pay the phone, Internet or other household bills? Are family members willing to lend their car or provide transportation to places and under what circumstances?

Regardless of what ‘house rules’ are established, mutual respect, personal responsibility and open communication are key! Clear expectations about those things that affect comfort and living style need to be set: music, TV watching, visitors, household chores, and personal behavior (for example, mom wouldn’t want little Jimmy learning some new colorful language from grandpa, nor would gramma want to see her grown son making out on the couch with his girlfriend). We were invited in to the home because we love one another. Let’s be sure that some time later we actually still like one another.

This entry was posted on 1. April 2010 at 20:53 and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.